holy fuck.
my dad just called to tell me that my mom is going into ANOTHER emergency surgery. apparently when they drained her lungs the other day, something happened and now shes bleeding in her lungs and she might not make it. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
my dad was crying on the phone and freaking out and ive been crying and i dont even know what to say or do or think.
dfhjjdhfgjhdsgfjkhdsfkjh i dont even know. just shoot me please, i cant do this.

jhpoiupkrjthsdkjghskljh

my mom is going into emergency surgery right now, she got an infection last week and apparently it got really bad so theyre trying to fix it, im not really sure whats going on exactly but thats all i know so far.
this is ridiculous, and her sister is down from ohio and now my mom is gonna be in the hospital even longer, this is ridiculous.
doigujhsdkjdshgsdhg i dont even know. and now i have to work

edit-

my mom had an emergency surgery this morning because of an infection. it ended up being 5 hrs long, they found cancer + infection mixed together. so they ended up removing 2 ft of her intestines and shes in the ICU right now, and probably for another couple of days and then probably another week or so in the hospital. this is going on 3 weeks of her being in the hospital, please keep praying

im so mad that lj is down, its been down for the past hour or so. i need to write in my personal journal, but i guess ill settle for this one. i type faster than i hand write things, so its easier to use a computer.

my mom has cancer. again. shes been in the hospital since last tuesday, she had another surgery cuz the fucking cancer came back and she had a huge operation. like they fixed her hernia, removed part of her intestines where the cancer was and reattached them, and found more cancer in her stomach cavity. so i went to visit her a few days after the surgery and she was kinda delirious but not too bad. then i got sick and couldnt go back to visit her til this past tuesday (a few days ago). she was sitting up in a chair when we came in and we brought her soup and she was wide awake and she ate soup and drank tea while i was there, i was so excited. i thought she was doing better, but every time ive talked to my dad, hes told me shes been disoriented and confused, and how he thinks shes not actually getting better and theres a pit in his stomach, basically that we have no hope. its awful, tonight he told me that she told him she thinks shes gonna die. like what the heck, i dont understand. i thought she was getting better. my brother keeps telling me we need to be positive and every time i talk to my dad he acts like our whole world is falling apart. what i hate the most is that the 2 people that have kept me together since for the past 22 years are the ones that are falling apart. and my husband, oh my god. i might kill him before this whole thing is over, or just leave him. he keeps being such an ass, i swear he doesnt even care about all of this. hes thrown 3 hissy fits about nothing since ive gotten home tonight. and yesterday he flipped the fuck out at me. i feel so alone, i feel like nobody is even on my side or there for me to talk to. i dont have a best friend anymore, and the people i know would care are not here, theyre far away. and it just sucks. i hate all of this. i feel like im falling apart now. i feel so alone, i cant even put it into words. my heart hurts.

i am NOT judgmental. i dont really care what you think of me anymore, ive had the same standards and morals since you met me. you know that. im just trying to be a good wife, daughter, sister and christian. i still believe the exact same things i did then and i still have the exact same views on everything. if you dont wanna talk to me or tell me anything, fine. i dont care. if you dont wanna open up to me, then im not going to listen or try to be there for you. ive never done anything but try to look out for my siblings and friends and if you dont want to be part of that list, fine. i want you to be able to talk to me, and i want to be able to talk to me but if i cant share my opinion then theres no point. but i dont even know what to say.

so ive been insanely busy with work, but i finally did another thing that i can check off my list- 

45. Print, blow up, and frame some of my photos- 07/23/09- printed and framed 7 of my pictures

here are some of the pictures that i took

 and printed out 

so its been a while since ive written here, but i have a job AND marc has a job too! he started today at a law firm in orlando as an assistant to the marketing director. i hope he likes it, its going to be a bunch of random stuff and very different from what hes used to, but i hope he enjoys it. his is also fulltime, while mine is part time. 

another thing to cross of the list is that I GOT A MAC! im so freaking happy, its soooo nice. i also got an ipod touch out of the deal :-) 

80. Buy a Mac-07/10/09

another one is #34, meet 10 new people, i filled that one with training/work last week- 

 

34. Meet 10 new people (in person) (11/10)- Jordan, Mitch, Lauren, Ashley (Jeremy's friends, June 3/4/5, 2009), asiya, dante, derrick, alyson, erica, erin, lacey, etc. (preflight services, july 2009)

1. Find a job-07/03/09

I just got hired to work at the Sanford airport here to work at a ticket counter for one of the companies.

its part time but im still counting it. also, its seasonal so it technically ends at the end of october, but im gonna see if i can find something else thats part-time too so i can do that on my days off.

and ive been watching a bunch of movies lately- hot fuzz, confessions of a shopaholic, and inkheart.

thats about the only things ive been doing on my list because ive been doing a bunch of stuff to get that job (interview tuesday that was almost 2 hours long, drug test wednesday, fingerprinting today, etc.) and visiting my mom in the hospital, shes been throwing up since last friday (one whole week, my poor mommy) and shes been in the hospital since sunday night and they finally pumped her stomach so hopefully she will get better soon. so you should pray for her, she needs to get better! :-(

last thing- im changing some of the things on my list, because i honestly dont care about them anymore.

40. Watch 100 new movies (15/100)- Hot Rod, Yes Man, Happy Go Lucky, Bolt, Bride Wars, Madagascar 2, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, Taken, Doubt, Be Kind Rewind, Valkyrie, Open Season 2, Children of Men, Gran Torino, The Royal Tennebaums

Heres some more stuff to add to my list!

40. Watch 100 new movies (12/100)- Hot Rod, Yes Man, Happy Go Lucky, Bolt, Bride Wars, Madagascar 2, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, Taken, Doubt, Be Kind Rewind, Valkyrie, Open Season 2

8. Find and join a church- we are working on this one. we went to merge, leahs church (literally like 5 mins from our house) last sunday and we really enjoyed it, so we are going to try to keep going and hopefully get involved eventually. the pastors pretty cool too, we talked to him for a bit after the service.

28. Get highlights or dye hair again-06/17/09- dyed (by myself) a medium copper brown color

okay so i decided to dye my hair, and marc helped me, so i went from this

to this-

to this- its not a huge change but its darker and theres a reddish tint in person, not so much in this picture.

yay new stuff to check off the list

as for in progress ones-

28. Get highlights or dye hair again- i bought the hair dye and now im waiting for karlee and i to be able to get together so she can dye it.

1. Find a job- i had an interview on thursday that i thought went pretty well, so ill find out tomorrow or monday or tuesday, hopefully i got that job.

for the ones i can check off-

50. Try sushi- 06/12/09- we tried sushi at amys house, we got california rolls and so

me kind with cream cheese and crab meat in it. they were both really good. heres some pictures!

39. Try 10 new recipes (4/10)- Special Cinnamon French Toast (5/16/09), Deviled eggs (5/17/09), Pigs in a blanket (6/06/09), Country Fried Steak (6/07/09)

40. Watch 100 new movies (9/100)- Hot Rod, Yes Man, Happy Go Lucky, Bolt, Bride Wars, Madagascar 2, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, Doubt, Taken

Also, im thinking of changing some of the things on this list, because some of them im not really interested in doing anymore. i just dont know what to replace them with. These are the ones im not sure about/might change-

26. Find a good self-tanner that doesn’t smell or break me out

27. Finish the 30 Day Shred

98. Beat Marc in tennis once

33. Host 5 dinner parties (or more) (1/5)- Housewarming Party! (06/06/09)

34. Meet 10 new people (in person) (4/10)- Jordan, Ashley, Lauren, Mitch (Jeremy's friends, June 3/4/5, 2009)

YAY WE GOT AN APARTMENT! 

2. Get a house/apartment-

 05/30/09

its beautiful and i love it. here are some pics of when we moved in, before we started furnishing it- 

also, i finished a book called the wonder spot today, so thats another book to add to the list. 

39. Try 10 new recipes (2/10)- Special Cinnamon French Toast (5/16/09),  Deviled eggs (5/17/09)

I made Deviled eggs two days ago, they were pretty good. I think they were better the next day because they were chilled overnight, but I enjoyed them. 

13. Cut my hair above my shoulders- 05/14/09 It took me two tries because I had to have another stylist correct what the first stylist messed up. Heres a picture- I might get more side bangs too. 

39. Try 10 new recipes (1/10)- It was this special cinnamon french toast that my mom showed me.

I'm currently working on- 

17. Get a tan

20. Get rid of all acne

24. Stop biting nails

29. Purge closets and dressers

31. Clean out room at parents house

67. Read all 7 Harry Potter books (1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7/7)- 4 finished on May 13, 2009.

I graduated from college on Saturday!!! We finally packed up all of our stuff and moved down to FL, so now I actually have time to work on my list, so here we go-

35. Turn a stranger into a friend in the course of a day (May 8, 2009).- I'm counting this as Michelle, Nate's girlfriend (one of Marc's brothers). I met her on Friday when his family came down for Nate's graduation Friday and Marc and my graduation on Saturday. She's a sweetheart and I really enjoyed getting to know her.

40. Watch 100 new movies (6/100)- Hot Rod, Yes Man, Happy Go Lucky, Bolt, Bride Wars, Madagascar 2

67. Read all 7 Harry Potter books (1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7/7)- (May 12, 2009)- I finally finished the 4th book, I've been halfway through it since Christmas break, now I need to read #5 and this one will be completely done.

72. Subscribe to 3-5 magazines (2/5)- April 2009- Lucky and Elle Magazines

I'm checking something else off my list today! I did #36, it was hard because alot of the people were people from high school and I felt bad deleting them. But it was good.

36.  Go through my phone’s contact list and facebook friends list and delete all the people who I no longer talk to

I finally did my first thing on my list!

#95) Do something that scares me.

I'm counting that as videotaping myself doing a mock counseling session with my friend Sara. It basically almost gave me a panic attack, but hey whatever.

OH and Amy taught me how to do strikethru, so for future reference, its <.strike.> <./strike.> (minus the periods.)

101 Things in 1001 Days

Okay, I finished my list. I'm starting tomorrow though.

Start date: April 20, 2009

Ending date: January 16, 2012

101 things in 1001 days list

Strikeout = Completed

Most important-

1. Find a job-07/03/09-PreFlight Services, Sanford Airport

2. Get a house/apartment- 05/30/06!

3. Get into journalism

4. Find out about my birth parents

5. Meet one or both of my birth parents

6. Find a best friend

7. Finish online class

8. Find and join a church

Appearance-

9. Lose 10 lbs

10. Lose another 5 lbs

11. Join a gym

12. Be able to run 3-5 miles (0/5)

13. Cut my hair above my shoulders-5/14/09

14. Wear only skirts and dresses for two weeks (0/2)

15. Take a yoga class

16. Be comfortable wearing a bikini without shorts over it

17. Get a tan

18. Get a professional massage

19. Get a professional facial

20. Get rid of all acne

21. Take a Pilates class at a gym

22. Develop a grown-up wardrobe

23. Get a spray tan

24. Stop biting nails

25. Get makeup done at the mall (Dillards, Macys, Sephora, etc.)

26. Find a good self-tanner that doesn’t smell or break me out

27. Decorate the apartment

28. Get highlights or dye hair again-06/17/09- medium copper brown

29. Purge closets and dressers

30. Sell or donate stuff

31. Clean out room at parents house

Relationships-

32. Find 2 married couples that we can hang out with as a couple (0/2)

33. Host 5 dinner parties (or more) (1/5)- House Warming Party (06/06/07)

34. Meet 10 new people (in person) (11/10)- Jordan, Mitch, Lauren, Ashley (Jeremy's friends, June 3/4/5, 2009), Asiya, Dante, Derrick, Alyson, Erica, Erin, Lacey, etc (PreFlight Services, 07/2009) 

35. Turn a stranger into a friend in the course of a day.- Michelle, Nate's girlfriend (Marc's brother), May 8, 2009.

36. Go through my phone’s contact list and facebook friends list and delete all the people who I no longer talk to. 4/23/09

Hobbies-

37. Learn how to dance

38. Write 10 real letters (snail mail) (0/10)

39. Try 10 new recipes (4/10)- Special Cinnamon French Toast (5/16/09), Deviled eggs (5/17/09), Pigs in a blanket (6/06/09), Country Fried Steak (6/07/09)

40. Watch 100 new movies (15/100)- Hot Rod, Yes Man, Happy Go Lucky, Bolt, Bride Wars, Madagascar 2, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, Taken, Doubt, Be Kind Rewind, Valkyrie, Open Season 2, Children of Men, Gran Torino, The Royal Tennebaums

41. Put wedding pictures in albums

42. Turn blue material into a dresss

43. Sew 4-6 things to wear/use (0/6)

44. Spend an entire day driving and taking pictures

45. Print, blow up, and frame some of my photos- 07/23/09- printed and framed 7 of my pictures

46. Learn to surf

47. Fill a journal with poetry, quotes & scripture

48. Send in a postcard to Post Secret

Health/Food-

49. Drink only green tea for a week

50. Try sushi- 06/12/09- california roll and cream cheese with crab meat

51. Try 3 new fruits (0/3)

52. Try 3 new vegetables (0/3)

53. Try 3 new types of fish (0/3)

54. Make one month meal plan

55. Go to bed before 12 pm for 2 weeks (0/2)

Places to go-

56. Go to all 4 Disney Parks (0/4)

57. Go to Sea World

58. Explore Europe

59. Visit a lighthouse

60. Go to an aquarium

61. Go see a comedian

62. Go to a Magic game

63. Drive with no direction or purpose 3 times and see where the day takes me (0/3)

64. Road trip to visit Amy at school

65. Go canoeing and have a picnic

66. Go to the beach at least twice a month during the summer months

2009-(0/2 May, 0/2 June, 0/2 July, 0/2 August)

2010- (0/2 May, 0/2 June, 0/2 July, 0/2 August)

2011- (0/2 May, 0/2 June, 0/2 July, 0/2 August)

Media-

67. Read all 7 Harry Potter books (1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7/7)- 4 finished on May 13, 2009.

68. Buy the other two Twilight books (1,2/4)

reread all four (0/4)

69. Go to 5 concerts/shows (0/5)

70. Finish the Gilmore Girls series (1,2,3,4,5/7)

71. Attend an art festival

72. Subscribe to 3-5 magazines (2/5)- Lucky, Elle Magazine (April 2009)

73. Read 20 new books (1/20)- The Wonder Spot (finished 06/04/09)

74. Reread the Chronicles of Narnia (0/7)

75. Read through the New Testament minus the Gospels (0/23)

76. See either Spring Awakening, The Phantom of the Opera or Rent live

77. Turn off my phone for 24 hours

78. Spend one night doing nothing but watching childhood/Disney films

79. Turn off computer for a full day

Things to buy-

80. Buy a Mac-07/10/09

81. Buy Dutch Blitz

82. Buy Adobe Photoshop

83. Save up $200-$300 (or more) and buy myself something expensive/nice

84. Buy a completely new outfit- head to toe

85. Buy a clear umbrella

86. Get at least 3 pieces of expensive lingerie (0/3)

87. Buy a lottery ticket

88. Buy myself flowers

89. Get another dog

Randoms

90. Request a song on the radio

91. Watch the sun rise

92. Get a coin jar and put extra change in there

93. Jump into a pool in normal clothes (not a bathing suit)

94. Do a photoshoot

95. Do something that scares me 04/21/09

96. Play in the rain 3 times (0/3)

97. Swim with dolphins

98. Beat Marc in tennis once

99. Bowl a 200

100 Dress up for Halloween

101. Make another list of 101 things