my mom has cancer. again. shes been in the hospital since last tuesday, she had another surgery cuz the fucking cancer came back and she had a huge operation. like they fixed her hernia, removed part of her intestines where the cancer was and reattached them, and found more cancer in her stomach cavity. so i went to visit her a few days after the surgery and she was kinda delirious but not too bad. then i got sick and couldnt go back to visit her til this past tuesday (a few days ago). she was sitting up in a chair when we came in and we brought her soup and she was wide awake and she ate soup and drank tea while i was there, i was so excited. i thought she was doing better, but every time ive talked to my dad, hes told me shes been disoriented and confused, and how he thinks shes not actually getting better and theres a pit in his stomach, basically that we have no hope. its awful, tonight he told me that she told him she thinks shes gonna die. like what the heck, i dont understand. i thought she was getting better. my brother keeps telling me we need to be positive and every time i talk to my dad he acts like our whole world is falling apart. what i hate the most is that the 2 people that have kept me together since for the past 22 years are the ones that are falling apart. and my husband, oh my god. i might kill him before this whole thing is over, or just leave him. he keeps being such an ass, i swear he doesnt even care about all of this. hes thrown 3 hissy fits about nothing since ive gotten home tonight. and yesterday he flipped the fuck out at me. i feel so alone, i feel like nobody is even on my side or there for me to talk to. i dont have a best friend anymore, and the people i know would care are not here, theyre far away. and it just sucks. i hate all of this. i feel like im falling apart now. i feel so alone, i cant even put it into words. my heart hurts.
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We all feel like this sometimes. Especially in times like this where our world is falling down around us. The glue that holds us together is not supposed to stop being sticky.
ReplyDeleteI'm positive that Marc cares about what's going on. He probably doesn't know how to help you though. What do you say to someone who might lose their mother? Or to someone who has to stay positive so their mother will stay positive as well? It seems like an impossible situation unless you've been there before. I don't know what to say. But if you need to rant I'm still here. And Marc is there too. Just tell him you just need to talk. To get it out. Or that you just need a hug.